Tantrum Troubles Termination

Children often throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want. Whether it is ice cream
for breakfast, or to go to the park late at night – if they can’t have it, you can expect them
to be crying and screaming on the floor in the next three seconds.

As a parent of a young mind, the way you react to these temper tantrums will shape the
way they will deal with conflicts later in life. Your reaction will mould their outlook on life,
and pretty much make or break their self-esteem.

It is vital to remain calm, even though you may want to let go and just scream. In just
screaming at a child however, you are alarming the child and activating their “fight or flight”
instinct. This means that they just shut down, and are no longer open to discussion. It is at
this point that they will either run away or yell back at you, without even the hint of a
solution to save the day. Screaming at a child may also hurt their self-confidence and self-
esteem, things which take years to rebuild to a healthy level.

In the event of a nonsensical request, such as having ice-cream for breakfast, explaining
logic to the child is of no avail. Telling them about how icecreams will make their cavities
worse will only increase their desire for that icecream. It is at this point that you must make
every effort to stay calm and not yell. Try your best to get out of the fight zone. First, just
make a statement – “We don’t have icecream for breakfast”. If that doesn’t work, present
them with alternative healthier foods that they like. If this also doesn’t work, and you’re
both at the brink of losing it, try to lighten the mood. Present a sudden game of hide and
seek or just burst into dance. This will put your child in a happier frame of mind, and more
able and willing to come to some form of middle ground.

Another impossible activity of the day is getting out of the house on time for school. It is
the absolute worst time to hide things, including themselves. Screaming at them at this
point will only cause you more stress than anyone else in the argument because no matter
how you spin it, children just do not understand the concept of being late. Instead, just tell
them to get ready in the morning, and instead of constantly nagging after that, wait until
the right time to tell them that it will be time to leave for school in ten minutes, and that you
hope they will be ready by then. It is very likely that they do not pay heed to this the first
time you do it. But when it’s time to leave, put them in the car as they are, and take them
straight to school. Next time you do this, they’ll know you mean it.

If you have more than one child, you can bet there will be sibling drama. Dealing with the
two fold tantrums without raising your voice may seem daunting, but it can be done. It is of
utmost importance that your kids know you are not going to take any sides, and that they
both need to sort things out and cool down on their own. Starting to yell at this point may
result in either sibling feeling betrayed. When this sort of reaction is repeated, it can affect
the dynamic between you and that child. Instead, ensure that you stay calm. Tell them that
you are waiting for them to sort it out on their own before they get to go to the pool or play
with the dog. This will not only encourage them to sort things out, but also set an example
of how to treat each other. During more pressing conflicts later in life, the issue is sure not
to escalate beyond control.

All in all, it is up to the adults to stay calm, and treat the upset child like you would an upset
adult – which is exactly how we do it at Aim Montessori.